Sovereign |ˈsäv(ə)rən|
possessing supreme or ultimate power:
Omnipotent |ˌämˈnipəd(ə)nt|
(of a deity) having unlimited power; able to do anything.
(Sometimes I’ve had a hard time believing God loved me…ok, most times…)
I mean really, really truly loved me.
Think about it.
Why would a Sovereign, Omnipotent GOD
Give me the time of day,
Much less love me?
If He’s Omnipotent and All-Knowing, then He knows me.
He knows my screw ups, my failures, my trippings
And every time my heart was less-than-pure..
~I am not and have never been ‘important’ in the grand scheme of things.
In school I was a nerd,
And even after I’d grown up,
I’d made no great impact on the world around me…
In all honesty,
I hadn’t earned a thing…
Much less the Love-of-God.
When I would hear people say that God loved me
It seemed like a kindly pat on the back.
A condolence.
A thing to say when all else failed,
And everything else had been spoken.
I’ve said it before when I didn’t know what else to say,
But did I really believe it?
Yes.
For them I did.
But for me?
Well, that seemed to be a different story.
Why oh why was it hard for me to believe it for myself?
~ One day I will take my last breath here on earth
And simply slip into eternity to be with God.
Of that one thing I am sure,
I am sure because of what He did for me on the cross.
I believe it.
I do.
I always have.
My place in Heaven is only because of Him and not because of anything I’ve done.
~That proves His Love for me.
It does.
So what was up with my questioning heart?
Why did part of my heart tell me that
I was low on the totem-pole of God’s love…?
(As I am sitting here pondering it, I think I have figured it out…)
It’s because of God’s face.
The Bible says that no one has seen the face of God.
But I had put a face on Him.
Honestly, I think everyone does.
We paint Him with what is comfortable
And what is known.
After all, who can comprehend an Omniscient, Sovereign God?
So I painted Him with an image.
A familiar image.
My image of God for so long was of an angry God.
I believed that He loved me if I obeyed.
If I was perfect I would earn His approval.
But since I wasn’t a stand-out person,
One that tended to be more nerdy than not,
One faaaar from perfect,
I was forever disappointing the Sovereign God.
I finally had to grapple with this core belief.
If God is the God of the Bible,
And not the image that I had placed on Him,
Then I knew I had to either believe it
or not.
I had to trust He is who He says He is,
or not.
I chose to believe.
I slowly began trusting that God was who the Bible said He was.
Little-by-little I would spend time with Him.
As I would drive down the road,
I would look out the window at the clear blue sky
And tell Him, ‘Good morning’,
Knowing that if He was all Sovereign and Omnipotent
Then He could and would hear my tiny whisperings to Him during the day.
And so it began.
My developing and trusting that
God hears me,
And pays attention to me,
And loves me.
Loves me.
Loves me…even me.
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