God-Of-Angel-Armies

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God has many names.

Many  names.

He is Jehovah Nissi,

My Victory.

Jehovah Rapha,

My Healer.

Jehovah Shalom,

My Peace.

Jesus called Him Father.

But lately,

We have needed

The God-of-Angel-Armies.

So that is the Name I cry out to.

We’ve needed a

Warrior God,

A Rush-To-Our-Defense-God,

 An I-Will-FIGHT-For-You-God.

And that is the name I call upon.

Whenever I cry out,

‘Oh God-Of-Angel-Armies come to our rescue!’

He Does.

I INSTANTLY feel His Presence.

Instantly.

We’ve felt such a need for a Redeemer,

For an All-Conquering,

All-Powerful,

Fearsome Warrior,

So I cry out and He is near…

I feel Him by my side…

Yes, the Holy Spirit dwells within me

and comforts me,

But He is also the one that quickens me

with the Name of God that we need for the moment.

And recently He has told me

God-Of-Angel-Armies…

Think of that name.

Lord-of-Hosts,

God-Of-Angel-Armies….

Angel ARMIES…

Mighty to Save…

All-Powerful!

CREATOR OF HEAVEN AND EARTH!!!

Who is like Him?

NO ONE!!! 

Not one single person or thing.

He is Great,

And Greatly To Be Praised.

That is the God I’ve been talking with lately.

That is the God I’ve been walking with lately.

That is the God Who has been showing me

situations, people and things around me

to pray about and to pray for.

He is the same God my mother used to pray to

and her mother used to pray to

and her mother’s mother,

and on and on.

With that legacy behind me

how can I not call out to

The Name Above All Names,

Who comes to our rescue?

God-Of-Angel Armies

is right by my side.

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Beautifully Crushed…

I have a choice.

Because I have a voice I have a choice.

I can choose the easy way with little to no pain

and more comfort,

or I can choose a harder way which produces more pain,

but Character Growth.

~If I had the opportunity to choose what kind of life

I would be given before I was born,

I would’ve chosen a life

where the road was smooth.

Where the path was easy…

I would never have chosen heartache and grief.

No,

I would have planned my life

very carefully and purposefully

with little to no suffering involved…

~Good thing I wasn’t in charge...

The heartache I encountered

actually made my heart softer...

The suffering I shivered thru

gave me empathy…

The abandonment I experienced

made me look towards the lonely…

If you think about it,

the sweetest part of a peach

is actually the part that is bruised.

The bruise produced the sugar…

The crushing of the olive

produces the oil,

and the oil heals…

The oil heals.

How would I know what True Love feels like

without knowing rejection?

How would I know what Peace feels like

if I had never touched war?

I am Grateful for my scars.

I am Grateful for the times

my heart quivered inside me from doubt.

How would I know the Deliverer

if I’d never needed delivering?

  ~Am I through being crushed?

I hope not. 

I pray not.

Is it fun?

Absolutely not. 

But the fragrance that comes from a rose

when it’s petals are smashed

is Beautiful.

And one day,

when I am old and gray,

I want to be the most fragrant crushed flower

that produces healing…

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Alone…

Roll, roll me away,
won’t you roll me away tonight
I too am lost, I feel double-crossed
and I’m sick of what’s wrong and what’s right

‘Roll Me Away’ ~Bob Seger

What do you do when even the church betrays you?

When you are hurt by the ones that are supposed to have the medicine?

What do you do when

The ones that are meant to be safe

Are unsafe?

What do you do then...

If you’re anything like me, you hide.

You build a wall around yourself so that nothing and no one else can hurt you.

Yeah, thats what I do…

Thats what I’ve done.

The problem with that is it doesn’t work.

Building a wall from ever getting hurt again only leads to loneliness…

And being alone sucks.

As I am sitting here writing this the only living thing around me are plants.

Plants and the ticking of a clock somewhere off in another room…

(But the clocks not actually alive…it’s just making a sound)

~When you are physically hurt you go to a dr. to diagnose the pain and apply medicine,

When your soul is hurt you are supposed to go to God and God’s people

To help heal your souls pain.

But what do you do when the soul wounds are inflicted by the ‘soul healers’…

Whatcha-gonna-do?

Once-upon-a-time I lived in a city that was full of Christian churches.

Name your flavor.

It was there.

I was raised in the church so I knew how to act and how to fit in.

But alas, when I lived in that city I grew weary of acting,

And I decided to let my limp show.

Guess what?

My limp exposed all the other Christian’s limps,

But they didn’t know it.

My taking off my mask of ‘Perfection’,

Brought about tongue lashings and rejection of the cruelest kind.

The kind that’s done in the name of God.

This happened over 13 years ago,

And to this day I am still scared to come out of hiding.

I still shiver when I walk as a visitor into a church.

My smile still quivers when I greet people,

Because deep inside my heart,

The tape player plays back the old voices…

Voices of condemnation,

Voices of shame.

So I hide.

~And while I’ve been told,

to have a friend

You have to be a friend.

You have to smile and show yourself friendly,

And ask about others,

About their story…

But if I do that,

They might turn around

And ask about me about mine…

And I would have to reveal that I have a limp,

And face their scorn.

No,

It’s easier to hide.

While I may not be able to fit into the mask I once wore of ‘Perfection’

I at least do not have to place myself in a seat of inspection from others.

I’ve done that too.

I’ve thought, ‘well I might as well just tell them up front what my limp is

And they can reject me right away..’

But that didn’t work either.

(Sigh…)

What do I do with my limp?

What do I do with my poor, ragged, muddied soul?

I give it to God…

I give it to Him.

He alone holds the balm.

He alone mends my limp.

He alone holds my head to His chest.

He alone.

Alone.

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The First Sorrow…

At that moment their eyes were opened,

And they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness.

So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.

~Genesis 3:7

Adam and Eve experienced the very first sorrow…

And it came suddenly upon them.

All mankind has experienced sorrow at some point,

But our sorrow can never, ever come close to what

Adam and Eve felt….

Before The Fall,

They had it Made.

They had everything they needed

They never knew anything less then perfect.

Their heart was always full of True Joy.

True Happiness…

True Contentment…

True Peace.

Then in one-split-second-in-time

Because of a choice they made,

They felt the Very First Pain

The Very First Remorse,

The Very First Heartbreak,

The Very First Sorrow,

OH THE SORROW!!!

What once was, vanished.

They were the first ones to experience,

 Mental anguish.

They were the first ones that felt it.

And they knew the difference.

Adam and Eve looked into each other’s eyes

And knew.

You and I have known sorrow,

And Grief,

You and I have experienced heartache,

And remorse.

But it is NOTHING compared to what

Adam and Eve experienced,

That Very First Time.

To have lived in Paradise,

With Purity and Laughter,

In your heart;

And then to have it instantly

Vanish,

Must have brought the deepest

Of Sorrows,

The deepest

Of Pains,

Grief so inexpressible,

That to ponder it now,

Makes me want to turn away….

It is almost too painful,

To think about their pain….

The Deepest regret,

Ever known by humankind,

Was felt by Adam and Eve….

How many times in his sleep,

Did Adam toss and turn,

And cry out,

‘OH GOD, 

I AM SO SORRY!

I MISS YOU!

I…

miss…

you..’

There is only one other human being

 I can think of that could have

Experienced the same level of regret,

And that would be,

Judas Iscariot.

The one who betrayed Jesus.

All Hope seemed lost.

Despair quickly follows,

On the heels of regret.

In the minds of Adam and Eve,

The feeble solution

Was to sew fig leaves together

To cover their shame…

How many, many times,

Have I sewed fig leaves together,

To cover my deep regret…

To cover my deep sorrows..?

I cannot blame Adam and Eve.

All I have to do is substitute my name for theirs…

I would have done the same.

The only difference between them and me is,

I happen to exist on this side of the cross…

This side of the Answer…

The Answer was Jesus,

The Answer is Jesus,

And the Answer will always be Jesus.

I am sitting here shaking my head….

I know that Jesus is the Answer,

Yet at times I still find myself,

Sewing fig leaves,

Instead of turning to Jesus.

Adam and Eve

Didn’t yet have Jesus,

But I do.

When deep sorrow fills my soul,

I must choose to take it

To Jesus.

He is

THE

ONLY 

ANSWER

For mankind’s

Deep, deep sorrows.

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